humor: Delta way ahead of its time

[Ed Tecot <tecot@cs.stanford.edu>]

This new product will reduce your communications
needs considerably.  Its intuitive interactions
will often leave you scratching your head in
wonder.  From your minimal communications with
this package, it will quickly presume who your
friends are (and even what their habits are), who
you should be communicating with in order to
advance your career, and let you know continually
whether you are communicating effectively with the
FeMail itself.

You may find that FeMail reduces your unnecessary
communications with friends and associates.  Your
FeMail will intercept incoming communications from
all sources and make a determination as to whether
or not they should be relayed to you.  The FeMail
is especially thorough when examining messages
from other FeMail systems.  These messages will be
examined for intent as well as content.

Messages that are received from other Mails will
be scanned for intention by your FeMail.  Any
messages that will reduce your productivity at
home or at the office (invitations to bars or
parties, where the FeMail may lose contact with
you for more than two hours for example) will be
delivered to you only after they can no longer be
acted upon.  A true productivity increase is then
possible, and your FeMail will even help your
decide how to use this spare time to attend to
maintenance issues.

In fact, you may find that the FeMail methods are
far beyond your comprehension.  Often times the
FeMail responses you receive will be 180 degrees
different than the direction you thought you were
heading.  In every case though, you will be
compelled to agree with the decisions that your
FeMail makes.  Most areas where a FeMail is
installed find that agreeing with the FeMail is
easier than attempting to justify opposing logic.

The FeMail package includes modules for Cognitive
Interpretation, Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendos
(even some you may not realize), Inflection, and
Encryption.(The encryption package is particularly
effective, allowing other mails absolutely no
chance of interpreting interchanges between two
FeMails).

You will find yourself becoming dependent on the
interactions that a FeMail makes possible.  Once
the FeMail begins working in your daily
activities, you may find yourself changing certain
actions to avoid conflicting with the FeMail
suggestions.

The FeMail is extremely comprehensive, and
provides only for a single user interface in most
cases.  The instructions included with your FeMail
indicates that it may interact openly with other
Mails in a conversational mode, but that you
should never interact with someone elses FeMail,
even in a conversational mode, and most certainly
not in an interactive mode.  The FeMail
communications links have demonstrated an ability
to intuit these actions even if you believe your
FeMail would be unaware of the interaction.
Continued interaction with FeMails that are not
your own will be considered a security violation,
and you may find yourself cut off from interaction
with your own FeMail.

Because of the complexity and high-level of
interface required, there are certain times (based
roughly on a lunar month) when your FeMail system
may behave erratically.  During this particular
cycle, your interactions with the FeMail should be
monitored closely, and offensive or interpretive
language removed.  The FeMail may misinterpret
even simple communications efforts during this
short time.  This is an unavoidable problem that
the FeMail has endured since its inception, and we
are still attempting to overcome this minor
glitch.

Should a misinterpretation occur, your FeMail will
store the data indefinitely, and only recall the
misinterpretation when it can loosely associate it
with other facts not necessarily related to the
communications process.  You will find these
recollections and associations puzzling, but they
all contribute to the operation of the FeMail
system.

Obtain FeMail today, and you will be surprised at
the changes it will make in your life!!!!