The coronavirus pandemic has created more authentic conversations around mental health, noted Natalie M. Byrdsong, assistant director of the Center for Black Culture (CBC), in her opening remarks. “People have become more honest when asked, ‘How are you doing,’ ” she said, celebrating Williams for sharing her own journeys of healing — and for emerging on the other side “a true survivor.”  

The event was moderated by 1987 UD alumna Kim Graham, coordinator of the newly formed Trauma Academy of Delaware State University, and a noted storyteller, performer and entrepreneur.

In a candid sit-down marked by warmth, humor and truth, Williams shared how she has cultivated strength through three foundational pillars: checking in with others, checking in with herself, and checking in with God.

“It’s like this three-legged stool,” Williams said, holding up a small table from the CBC. “When I’m not doing these check-ins, I’m not stable.”

Stability, she added, takes effort. Healing takes time. “Imagine a root deep within you that you’re trying to remove,” she told the crowd. “It’s going to hurt. You’re going to wail. But you’ve got to get the pain out.” 

Eventually, the trauma will become like the bicycle injury on Williams’ knee. “The scar is there, but it doesn’t hurt,” she said. “That comes from doing the work. Going to therapy. Surrounding myself with safe people and being a safe person myself.” 

This wasn’t always the case. Diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD in her 30s, Williams spent decades unaware of her underlying health condition. She recalls feeling isolated in middle school and flunking classes as a criminal justice college major. “I know what it’s like to sleep a semester away,” she said. “You can’t help what happened to you as a child, but as an adult, you are responsible for your responses.”

One way Williams has taken more agency over her mental health is by limiting her digital consumption. “I’m so glad social media wasn’t around [when Destiny’s Child first emerged],” she said. “I don’t know if we would have been able to make it.”

Williams also counseled students to seek medical help from trained professionals — not the Internet. “Google will have you dying when it’s just a sinus infection,” she said, laughing. 

Speaking directly to the students, Williams asked if anyone had come to college to escape a dysfunctional household. Many hands went up. “Guess what?” she replied. “You’re going to be great. Whatever your goal is, you’re going to make it. Because you have extra motivation. But remember: Success does not heal trauma. It might magnify it.”

Williams spoke frequently on the virtues of therapy. “Take advantage while it’s free,” she said, joking that she’ll enroll in college just to avoid her co-pays. “Start investing early in the quality of your mental health. Utilize the resources available to you.” 

She also offered two book recommendations by Henry Cloud and John Townsend: Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those that Aren’t and Boundaries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.

The event concluded with a robust audience question-and-answer session, and the night ended with a pertinent comment from sophomore Priya Salako, who quoted from Williams’ book: “To some degree, we’re all looking for a haven on Earth where we and the people we love can live without all of the hard, challenging parts of being human.” Salako noted that many students view the CBC as a home away from home and sought Williams’ advice on the importance of such spaces.

“Community and connection are so important for our human development,” Williams said in response. “Keep being a safe haven for each other. When you see each other on campus, give a little nod, like ‘I see you.’ Check in.”  

Resources

For any student in need of support or assistance, UD’s Division of Student Life provides a variety of resources.

Students can connect with the Center for Counseling and Student Development at 302-831-2141. The UD Helpline is available at 302-831-1001 at any time, night or day, for students feeling anxious, overwhelmed, depressed or otherwise in need of counseling.

In addition, staff members in the Office of the Dean of Students are available to assist any student who wishes to talk. Call 302-831-8939 to schedule an appointment.

Students have free, 24/7 access to virtual mental health support with TimelyCare. Talk to a licensed counselor now through the TimelyCare app.

Mental health support for UD benefited employees is provided from ComPsych® GuidanceResources®. The link gives steps on how to access services or call 1-877-527-4742 for support.

About the Black History Month Extravaganza 

UD’s annual Black History Month Extravaganza, developed by the Center for Black Culture,  aims to show the history, complexity, resilience, aesthetic, culture, brilliance and creativity of Black people while addressing areas of challenge and growth. Past speakers have included Maya Angelou, Harry Belafonte, Spike Lee, Melissa Harris-Perry, Kimberlé Crenshaw, Danny Glover and Common. 

This year’s event was co-sponsored with the Cultural Programming Advisory Board with support from the Black Student Union, UD Gospel Choir, Wellbeing Center and Office of Institutional Equity.