- Q: What do you call the webpage with the worst jokes ever?
Hot Dog Dynamite Stick
A collection of things that were supposed to be
Q: Why can two balls dropping at the same time with the same velocity be at
- Q: What do you say to an Indian woman when she catches you peeking up
Q: Pete and Repete are on a log. Pete falls off. Who is
Q: What do you call a monkey who walks into a bar?
Q: What do you call a skunk who walks into a bar?
Q: What do you call a snake who walks into a bar?
Q: If an eight-foot tall computer keyboard walks up to and asks you for a
date, what do you say?
A: Sorry, you're not my type.
Q: What's another name for spanking the monkey?
A: Punishing the primate.
- Q: What do you call a jackal-headed guy, new to the Internet?
A: A noob-is.
- Q: Where did the statistician go to find a date?
Q: How did the trig teacher gain so much weight?
A: Too much pi!
Q: A simple random sample is taken from 100 people. What did the majority
A: Give back my simple random sample!
Q: Another sample is taken from a population. What did the majority
A: Nothing. Who talks when they're on the can, anyway?
- Q: What's it called when you quell a scandal in Cambridge?
A: Mitigating MIT-Gate.
- Q: You have five apples. You take two away. How many apples do you
- Q: What did the deodorant salesman suggest to the carpenter who was
worried about smelling too much while at work?
A: ``Try noseplugs!''
- Q: When the municipal waste system was computerized, what type of queue
A: Garbage in, garbage out.
- Q: What did they say about the dwarf prostitute who never did what her
A: She sold herself short.
- Q: What do you call a six-foot-tall Allen wrench who likes other Allen
A: Big Gay Al.
- Q: A horse walks into a bar. What does the bartender say?
A: ``Why the long face?''
- Q: What do you call a computer lab with a front door, but not a back
- Q: What do you call a man who walks into a bar?
Q: What do you call a man who walks into a bar quickly?
- Q: A doctor, a lawyer, and Mattie Williams
are standing in the middle of the road, about to get hit by a truck. The
doctor says, ``Well, the impact could crush my skull. I'd better get out
of the way.'' The lawyer says, ``Since I'm standing in the road, the
accident would be my fault. I'd better get out of the way.'' What happens
A: The truck blows up.
- Q: What do you call a magnet's north pole that is attracted to every
other south pole?
A: A pervert.
Q: What do you call a south pole that is attracted to every other north
- Q: Upon having new relations, the electrician, the chemist, and Jeff
Gorak are discussing their new love lives.
The electrician says, ``I know it because I felt a spark between us.'' The
chemist says, ``We had good chemistry.'' What does Jeff say?
A: Sheeput out.
- Q: What do get when you mix a vampire with Turette's, a Dunkin Donuts
shop with no more Munchkins, a soggy matress, and a three-legged Toto?
* * * PUNCH!!! * * *
- Q: What do get when a gay alligator drinks your punch?
A: More punch.
- Q: What do you call a jaywalking numerator?
A: An infraction.
- Q: Why do algebra teachers always seem so excited?
- Q: Pi, e, and 44 are sitting around in a room, arguing who's
best. Pi says, ``I describe all things round. I'm best.'' e says,
``I describe all things natural. I'm best.'' What does 44 say?
A: ``I describe Jeff Gorak's history grade; I'm best!''
- Q: Why do people get Chinese symbol tattoos?
A: Because Chinese drum tattoos are too expensive!
- Q: A horse walks into a bar, hoping to hear the other horses karaoke.
What does the bartender say?
A: ``No horses allowed. Get out.''
- Q: What did Joey Ramone say to his ghetto girlfriend?
A: Hey ho, let's go.
- Q: What do call a webpage with something sticking in its eye?
- Q: What do you call a webpage in the movies?
- Q: What did one fresh stack of miniature latkes say to the other fresh
stack of miniature latkes?
A: Hey there, hot stuff.
Q: What was the reply?
A: Hello, baby cakes!
- Q: What did they say when they found out about the Love affair on Party
A: I Hewitt all along!
- Q: What do you call a computer with a pair of Doc Martens?
A: A dual-boot machine.
- Q: What do you get when you don't use a sock?
A: I dunno, might come in handy.
- Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with big arms?
A: Army of darkness.
Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with big guns?
A: Army of darkness.
Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with no arms?
A: Army of darkness.
Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with no legs?
A: Army of darkness.
Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with only one leg?
A: Leggy of darkness.
- Q: What's the best thing about being an intern at the White House?
A: When you're there, you have a little bit of greatness in you.
- Q: What do you get from rubbing alcohol?
A: Hard alcohol.
- Q: Where do you keep naughty pictures on a Mac?
A: In a StuffIt archive.
- Q: What did they say about the new music video where the sumo wrestler
in camouflage crosses the street?
A: It's gonna be a real big hit!
- Q: Why shouldn't you hire C programmers to plan social events?
A: All the function arguments.
- Q: What is the slogan for DeVrye University's sister school, dy
A: An integrated program... differentiated from the rest.
- Q: What did the salesman say to the man who asked if there was a
A: Urine luck!
- Q: When, as a dealer, you are complimented by a client on your excellent
crystal, what is the proper response, in jargon?
A: ``I also sell fine china and antique furniture.''
Q: Pete and Repete are on a log. Pete falls off. Who is
- Q: What did Aristotle like about the porn stars?
A: Their heavenly bodies.
- Q: Why do optical mice not need pads?
A: They use tampons.
- Q: What can you expect from a movie called The Passion of the Chocolate
A: Everlasting life from an everlasting gobstopper.
- Q: What's wrong with alcohol-free hair gel?
A: How are you supposed to spike your hair without any alcohol?
Q: So how do you really spike your hair?
- Q: Why does Mother Nature get depressed when She visits Russia in the
A: She just can't keep a positive outlook in the middle of the
- Q: Why did the BDSM porn star `Fetters' seem creepy to everyone?
A: Any soul who calls himself `Fetters' is bound to be!
- Q: What did Oedipus Rex's friends always tell him?
A: Well, don't come crying to me!
- Q: Why is anal sex so popular?
A: ``Love is for assholes, yeah, love is for assholes, it's true''
- Q: What did everybody say about S. S. Alla?
A: It was all ass backwards!
- Q: Did you hear, Snapple started bottling breastmilk?
A: Yeah, they call it Snipple.
- Q: What's the name of the large erotic art store?
A: Came art.
- Q: When the angry young man on trial for assaulting a police officer
was queried about why he performed his crime, what was his response?
A: ``I'm violently allergic to pigs....''
- Q: How do you spike a volleyball?
A: With beer. Hard liquor isn't carbonated, so the ball
would be too heavy to make it over the net.
- Q: What goddess is saluted by people turning left?
A: The Lady of Perpetual Yield.
- Q: What's the difference between callipygian potato chips and birds
who bring pain relievers?
A: None! One's ass Pringles, the other's aspirin gulls.
- Q: Why should everybody give anal sex a shot?
A: It opens you up to a whole 'nother culture: E. Coli.
- Q: Why did the college student choose to study abroad?
A: Well, she was pretty...
- Q: Why did the widow become a coin minter?
A: She needed something with lots of sentimental value....
- Q: How is having a pet similar to pimping?
A: One's teaching an old dog new tricks, and the other's fetching
an old tart new dicks.
- Q: What do girl potatoes get when they turn thirteen?
A: Tuber boobers.
- Q: What do you call a potato that writes dark poetry?
A: A Poetato.
- Q: What do you call a beer served at a theatre?
A: A Shakesbeer.
- Q: What do you call a fisherman who whistles while he fishes?
- Q: What kind of hairstyle does a punk rocker with real musical talent
A: A Mozhawk.
- Q: What do you call a University
of Washington student with a job?
A: Sleepless... in Seattle.
- Q: What do you serve an octopus for dessert?
- Q: What are the effects of the new party drug showing up around New
A: It's said to induce states of euphorbia.
- Q: What do you get when you cut coke with sugar?
- Q: What's the difference between a three-year-old and a thirty-year-old
living in Los Angeles?
A: One `m.' (One eats humus; the other eats hummus.)
- Q: Why did the wireless communications technician have problems getting
A: His favorite pick-up line was always asking if he could couple her
range-extender to his antenna by resonance.
- Q: How is Poseidon like the drug Ecstasy?
A: They both come in waves.
- Q: Which airline holds the highest bathroom-to-passenger ratio on
A: Intercontinence Airlines.
- Q: Did you hear that people have been complaining about how almost all
of the main characters in Dilbert are white males, so Scott Adams is going
to make a more diverse comic?
A: Yes, it'll be called Dilvert.
- Q: What did people say about the statue of Shrek made out of tiny bits
of dirt and shredded old, dead human skin cells?
A: ``Oh, it's just a little shrek of dust...''
- Q: How did the kinkier pimp make all the money?
A: A few dirty tricks, what else?
- Q: When the empty, unproductive ribosome asked another ribosome for some
cheering-up, what did the other say?
A: ``You just need a good peptide-talk and you'll be fine!''
- Q: What do you call it when Robert Springsteen and Michael Scott burn
down a Yoghurt shop?
- Q: What antipsychotic do you use to treat Holy Rollers?
- Q: What would a linguist term the mindless babble of a moron?
- Q: Why did the bakery-and-pizzaria succeed in business without really
A: The products are so easy to make, it's like a pizza cake!
- Q: What did they say about those Siamese twins who shared a nose?
A: They had a snot in common.
- Q: How is a seamstress different than a mistress?
A: Well, one clips out socks...
- Q: How about what six-year-olds watch versus what sweethearts will do?
A: Snuffleupagus, versus, snuggle up, I guess?
- Q: What did the patient say to the attractive young nurse who only came
by to replace his catheter?
A: I guess you're a-voiding me?
- Q: What was said of the fiancés drinking together?
A: They're getting to merry soon.
- Q: What does a bulimic order for dessert?
A: Two-fingers upside-down cake.
- Q: What's really interesting about the sex life of two submissives?
A: What sex life?
- Q: What was said of the weight of the perpetually unsuccessful British
A: It was written in stones.
- Q: Why should you never sleep with Satan?
A: Because he's bad in deathbed.
- Q: What do you call a bunch of emo kids at a diner?
A: A dine-and-whine.
- Q: What did the Viagra spamvertisement say to the bared exhibitionist?
A: Re-cover your love life now!
- Q: What do you call a guy named Sal who won't share his salsa?
A: Salsa brat.
- Q: How did the sports car explain its inattentiveness?
A: I am: exhaust, id.
- Q: What's one thing nutritionists, track-and-field coaches, and
wrestling coaches can agree on?
A: It's hard to make a heavy man fast.
- Q: What's the problem with equine lawn care?
A: You can lead a horse to water the grass, but you can't make him mow
- Q: Why did John take so long in the bathroom?
A: He got stalled.
- Q: What do you get when you milk 20 cows at once?
- Q: How did George Thorogood's doctor break the news that he had
A: ``I`'ve got some b-b-b-b-bad news....''
- Q: What is an anoretic for Halloween?
A: A skeleton.
- Q: How do you know when a transsexual has hacked into your server?
A: Your male transfer agent has been altered.
- Q: How is a coathanger like Visine?
A: They both get the red out.
- Q: When the cannibal was asked how he could eat so many singers in one
sitting, what was his explanation?
A: ``Well, it's an a-choir-ed taste...''
- Q: How did the bartender get sick?
A: Must've been the draft...
- Q: What do you get from an inexperienced, lightweight drinker?
A: A half-drink drunk after a half-drunk drink.
- Q: How about bad sports players in a bar after a game suddenly noticing
a lucky woman and proposing a toast to her marriage?
A: A round for the misses goes around for the missus.
- Q: Did you hear what happened at the school for the deaf?
A: Neither did they.
- Q: How do you convert your anemometer into a device for detecting kids
from the emo scene?
A: Just realize that your device just needs some emphasis to
remember its new position, since wind blows horizontally, but tears fall
vertically. Then you'll have it---it's your very own, an emo meter!
- Q: When the aging woman explained to her optometrist that her three
felines each seemed to be sporting a pair of double-D's, what did the doctor
suspect she might have?
- Q: How would parents know if their daughter's apparent transsexuality
behavior was a sign of future things to come or just a transient phenomenon?
A: If all the other girls on her Boy Scouts troop were doing it, too,
then it could just be a fad.
- Q: When a fiancée's father asked her to see a line of suitors on
a coming afternoon, how did the daughter reply?
A: ``Sorry, father, but I already have an engagement.''
- Q: What's the best way to avoid needing to purchase an extra
heater for a FleshLight?
A: Jam it in your vehicle's exhaust pipe.
- Q: What did the structural investigators say to the architects who
claimed the 50th and 80th floors of the high-rise
were identical in design?
A: Your storeys don't match!
- Q: What's the difference between large-scale computer simulation and a
A: One needs a stock of memory boards; the other needs a stock of emory
- Q: What should you do if you're feeling board?
A: Try planking!
- Q: Why did the computer hobbyist rush out to by an upgraded graphics
card on December 31st?
A: His friend had suggested he should have a new year's resolution.
- Q: Why is it that none of the Monty Python actors quite pull off female
A: "NONE SHALL PASS."
- Q: How did the kernel hacker manage to start getting twice as many
A: git clone self
- Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: A lickalottapus.
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