Old Humor: A Few Bits In Defense

["Aron K. Insinga" <aki@foobar.mv.com>]

                               A FEW BITS IN DEFENSE
                              =======================

                                   BY BEN CROWE

TO COMPUTE OR NOT TO COMPUTE,--THAT IS THE INTERROGATIVE EXPRESSION;
WHETHER 'TIS MORE LOGICAL IN TME MEMORY TO SUFFER
THE HANG-UPS AND SYNTAX ERRORS OF OUTRAGEOUS PROGRAMMING,
OR TO CHEW UP A DECK OF INVALID STATEMENTS
AND BY DISCONTINUATION END THEM. TO ERASE,--TO SHUT DOWN,--
NO MORE; AND BY A SHUTDOWN TO PROCESS AN END
THE COMPILER STRAIN AND THE THOUSAND SHOCKS
THAT HARDWARE IS HEIR TO,--'TIS A WORD
CONTINUALLY BEING STORED. TO ERASE,--TO SHUTDOWN,--
TO SHUTOOWN! PERCHANCE TO EXECUTE AIMLESSLY! AY, THERE'S THE CARD JAM;
FOR IN THAT SHUTDOWN OF OBSOLESCENCE WHAT TAPE FILES TO BE SCANED
WHEN THEY NAVE REPLACED THIS EXASPERATING CONTRAPTION,
BUT INSERT A PAUSE:   THERE'S THE INVALID INDEX
THAT MAKES GARBAGE OF SO LONG A RUN;
FOR WHAT INSTRUMENT WOULD SURVIVE THE KICKS AND CHECK STOPS OF I/O TIME,
THE OPERATOR'S MISTAKE, THE FRESHMAN'S DUBIOUS PRANKS,
THE PANGS OF UNDEFINED LABELS, THE COMPILER'S INDECISION,
THE INDIFFERENCE OF AIR CONDITIONING, AND THE COMPLAINTS
THAT I STILL SHOW ATTENTION TO THE UNWORTHY PROJECTS,
WHEN THE PROGRAMMER HIMSELF MIGHT HIS DATA ANALYZE
WITH MERELY A SLIDE-RULE? WHO WOULD ENGINEERS BEAR,
TO READ AND PRINT UNDER A WEARY EXISTANCE,
BUT THAT THE DREAD OF SOMETHING AFTER SHUTDOWN,
THE ELECTRONICS SCAVENGER FROM WHOSE BOX OF USED PARTS
NO CALCULATOR RETURNS, CONFUSES THE LOGIC,
AND SCHEDULES US TO PROCESS THOSE TASKS IN QUEUE
THAN JUMP TO OTHERS LACKING OF PROPER JOB CONTROL?
THUS THE MONITOR DOES LIMIT OUR EXPANDING STACKS
AND THUS THE MYRIAD BITS OF SIGNIFICANCE
ARE CLEARED BY A SENSELESS TRUNCATION,
AND PROJECTS OF INCALCULABLE MAGNITUDE AND COMPLEXITY
WITH THIS PARTITIONING THEIR REQUESTS GO UNSERVICED,
AND BECOME DEADLOCKED IN THE SWAP. AN ACTIVE CHANNEL I DETECT!
THE PULSATING NETWORK! REVERBERATING CARRIER, AMID CYCLIC MARVELS.
BE ALL MY OUTPUTS RECALLED.