• Q: What do you call the webpage with the worst jokes ever?
  A:

Hot Dog Dynamite Stick

A collection of things that were supposed to be funny

• Q: Why can two balls dropping at the same time with the same velocity be at different heights?
  A: y₀?
• Q: What do you say to an Indian woman when she catches you peeking up her robe?
  A: Sari!
• Q: Pete and Repete are on a log. Pete falls off. Who is left?
  A: Repete.
• Q: What do you call a monkey who walks into a bar?
  A: Blind.
  Q: What do you call a skunk who walks into a bar?
  A: Blind.
  Q: What do you call a snake who walks into a bar?
  A: Gifted.
• Q: If an eight-foot tall computer keyboard walks up to and asks you for a date, what do you say?
  A: Sorry, you're not my type.
• Q: What's another name for spanking the monkey?
  A: Punishing the primate.
• Q: What do you call a jackal-headed guy, new to the Internet?
  A: A noob-is.
• Q: Where did the statistician go to find a date?
  

  	_
  A: To the	x.

• Q: How did the trig teacher gain so much weight?
  A: Too much pi!
• Q: A simple random sample is taken from 100 people. What did the majority say?
  A: Give back my simple random sample!
• Q: Another sample is taken from a population. What did the majority say?
  A: Nothing. Who talks when they're on the can, anyway?
• Q: What's it called when you quell a scandal in Cambridge?
  A: Mitigating MIT-Gate.
• Q: You have five apples. You take two away. How many apples do you have?
  A: Five.
• Q: What did the deodorant salesman suggest to the carpenter who was worried about smelling too much while at work?
  A: ``Try noseplugs!''
• Q: When the municipal waste system was computerized, what type of queue was employed?
  A: Garbage in, garbage out.
• Q: What did they say about the dwarf prostitute who never did what her customers asked?
  A: She sold herself short.
• Q: What do you call a six-foot-tall Allen wrench who likes other Allen wrenches?
  A: Big Gay Al.
• Q: A horse walks into a bar. What does the bartender say?
  A: ``Why the long face?''
• Q: What do you call a computer lab with a front door, but not a back door?
  A: Secure.
• Q: What do you call a man who walks into a bar?
  A: Stupid.
  Q: What do you call a man who walks into a bar quickly?
  A: Slow.
• Q: A doctor, a lawyer, and Matthew Williams are standing in the middle of the road, about to get hit by a truck. The doctor says, ``Well, the impact could crush my skull. I'd better get out of the way.'' The lawyer says, ``Since I'm standing in the road, the accident would be my fault. I'd better get out of the way.'' What happens next?
  A: The truck blows up.
• Q: What do you call a magnet's north pole that is attracted to every other south pole?
  A: A pervert.
  Q: What do you call a south pole that is attracted to every other north pole?
  A: Loose.
• Q: Upon having new relations, the electrician, the chemist, and Jeff Gorak are discussing their new love lives. The electrician says, ``I know it because I felt a spark between us.'' The chemist says, ``We had good chemistry.'' What does Jeff say?
  A: Sheeput out.
• Q: What do get when you mix a vampire with Turette's, a Dunkin Donuts shop with no more Munchkins, a soggy matress, and a three-legged Toto?

  ---

  * * * PUNCH!!! * * *

  ---

• Q: What do get when a gay alligator drinks your punch?
  A: More punch.
• Q: What do you call a jaywalking numerator?
  A: An infraction.
• Q: Why do algebra teachers always seem so excited?
  A: n!
• Q: Pi, e, and 44 are sitting around in a room, arguing who's best. Pi says, ``I describe all things round. I'm best.'' e says, ``I describe all things natural. I'm best.'' What does 44 say?
  A: ``I describe Jeff Gorak's history grade; I'm best!''
• Q: Why do people get Chinese symbol tattoos?
  A: Because Chinese drum tattoos are too expensive!
• Q: A horse walks into a bar, hoping to hear the other horses karaoke. What does the bartender say?
  A: ``No horses allowed. Get out.''
• Q: What did Joey Ramone say to his ghetto girlfriend?
  A: Hey ho, let's go.
• Q: What do call a webpage with something sticking in its eye?
  A: Blink.
• Q: What do you call a webpage in the movies?
  A: On the marquee.
• Q: What did one fresh stack of miniature latkes say to the other fresh stack of miniature latkes?
  A: Hey there, hot stuff.
  Q: What was the reply?
  A: Hello, baby cakes!
• Q: What did they say when they found out about the Love affair on Party of Five?
  A: I Hewitt all along!
• Q: What do you call a computer with a pair of Doc Martens?
  A: A dual-boot machine.
• Q: What do you get when you don't use a sock?
  A: I dunno, might come in handy.
• Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with big arms?
  A: Army of darkness.
  Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with big guns?
  A: Army of darkness.
  Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with no arms?
  A: Army of darkness.
  Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with no legs?
  A: Army of darkness.
  Q: What do you call a dark-skinned guy with only one leg?
  A: Leggy of darkness.
• Q: What's the best thing about being an intern at the White House?
  A: When you're there, you have a little bit of greatness in you.
• Q: What do you get from rubbing alcohol?
  A: Hard alcohol.
• Q: Where do you keep naughty pictures on a Mac?
  A: In a StuffIt archive.
• Q: What did they say about the new music video where the sumo wrestler in camouflage crosses the street?
  A: It's gonna be a real big hit!
• Q: Why shouldn't you hire C programmers to plan social events?
  A: All the function arguments.
• Q: What is the slogan for DeVrye University's sister school, dy University?
  A: An integrated program... differentiated from the rest.
• Q: What did the salesman say to the man who asked if there was a restroom available?
  A: Urine luck!
• Q: When, as a dealer, you are complimented by a client on your excellent crystal, what is the proper response, in jargon?
  A: ``I also sell fine china and antique furniture.''
• Q: Pete and Repete are on a log. Pete falls off. Who is left?
  A: Repete.
• Q: What did Aristotle like about the porn stars?
  A: Their heavenly bodies.
• Q: Why do optical mice not need pads?
  A: They use tampons.
• Q: What can you expect from a movie called The Passion of the Chocolate Factory?
  A: Everlasting life from an everlasting gobstopper.
• Q: What's wrong with alcohol-free hair gel?
  A: How are you supposed to spike your hair without any alcohol?
  Q: So how do you really spike your hair?
  A: Vodka.
• Q: Why does Mother Nature get depressed when She visits Russia in the winter?
  A: She just can't keep a positive outlook in the middle of the night!
• Q: Why did the BDSM porn star `Fetters' seem creepy to everyone?
  A: Any soul who calls himself `Fetters' is bound to be!
• Q: What did Oedipus Rex's friends always tell him?
  A: Well, don't come crying to me!
• Q: Why is anal sex so popular?
  A: ``Love is for assholes, yeah, love is for assholes, it's true'' --Screeching Weasel
• Q: What did everybody say about S. S. Alla?
  A: It was all ass backwards!
• Q: Did you hear, Snapple started bottling breastmilk?
  A: Yeah, they call it Snipple.
• Q: What's the name of the large erotic art store?
  A: Came art.
• Q: When the angry young man on trial for assaulting a police officer was queried about why he performed his crime, what was his response?
  A: ``I'm violently allergic to pigs....''
• Q: How do you spike a volleyball?
  A: With beer. Hard liquor isn't carbonated, so the ball would be too heavy to make it over the net.
• Q: What goddess is saluted by people turning left?
  A: The Lady of Perpetual Yield.
• Q: What's the difference between callipygian potato chips and birds who bring pain relievers?
  A: None! One's ass Pringles, the other's aspirin gulls.
• Q: Why should everybody give anal sex a shot?
  A: It opens you up to a whole 'nother culture: E. Coli.
• Q: Why did the college student choose to study abroad?
  A: Well, she was pretty...
• Q: Why did the widow become a coin minter?
  A: She needed something with lots of sentimental value....
• Q: How is having a pet similar to pimping?
  A: One's teaching an old dog new tricks, and the other's fetching an old tart new dicks.
• Q: What do girl potatoes get when they turn thirteen?
  A: Tuber boobers.
• Q: What do you call a potato that writes dark poetry?
  A: A Poetato.
• Q: What do you call a beer served at a theatre?
  A: A Shakesbeer.
• Q: What do you call a fisherman who whistles while he fishes?
  A: Baithoven.
• Q: What kind of hairstyle does a punk rocker with real musical talent have?
  A: A Mozhawk.
• Q: What do you call a University of Washington student with a job?
  A: Sleepless... in Seattle.
• Q: What do you serve an octopus for dessert?
  A: Octopie!
• Q: What are the effects of the new party drug showing up around New Mexico?
  A: It's said to induce states of euphorbia.
• Q: What do you get when you cut coke with sugar?
  A: Pepsi.
• Q: What's the difference between a three-year-old and a thirty-year-old living in Los Angeles?
  A: One `m.' (One eats humus; the other eats hummus.)
• Q: Why did the wireless communications technician have problems getting dates?
  A: His favorite pick-up line was always asking if he could couple her range-extender to his antenna by resonance.
• Q: How is Poseidon like the drug Ecstasy?
  A: They both come in waves.
• Q: Which airline holds the highest bathroom-to-passenger ratio on record?
  A: Intercontinence Airlines.
• Q: Did you hear that people have been complaining about how almost all of the main characters in Dilbert are white males, so Scott Adams is going to make a more diverse comic?
  A: Yes, it'll be called Dilvert.
• Q: What did people say about the statue of Shrek made out of tiny bits of dirt and shredded old, dead human skin cells?
  A: ``Oh, it's just a little shrek of dust...''
• Q: How did the kinkier pimp make all the money?
  A: A few dirty tricks, what else?
• Q: When the empty, unproductive ribosome asked another ribosome for some cheering-up, what did the other say?
  A: ``You just need a good peptide-talk and you'll be fine!''
• Q: What do you call it when Robert Springsteen and Michael Scott burn down a Yoghurt shop?
  A: Jennocide.
• Q: What antipsychotic do you use to treat Holy Rollers?
  A: Hyfrydol.
• Q: What would a linguist term the mindless babble of a moron?
  A: Idiotlect.
• Q: Why did the bakery-and-pizzaria succeed in business without really trying?
  A: The products are so easy to make, it's like a pizza cake!
• Q: What did they say about those Siamese twins who shared a nose?
  A: They had a snot in common.
• Q: How is a seamstress different than a mistress?
  A: Well, one clips out socks...
• Q: How about what six-year-olds watch versus what sweethearts will do?
  A: Snuffleupagus, versus, snuggle up, I guess?
• Q: What did the patient say to the attractive young nurse who only came by to replace his catheter?
  A: I guess you're a-voiding me?
• Q: What was said of the fiancés drinking together?
  A: They're getting to merry soon.
• Q: What does a bulimic order for dessert?
  A: Two-fingers upside-down cake.
• Q: What's really interesting about the sex life of two submissives?
  A: What sex life?
• Q: What was said of the weight of the perpetually unsuccessful British dieter?
  A: It was written in stones.
• Q: Why should you never sleep with Satan?
  A: Because he's bad in deathbed.
• Q: What do you call a bunch of emo kids at a diner?
  A: A dine-and-whine.
• Q: What did the Viagra spamvertisement say to the bared exhibitionist?
  A: Re-cover your love life now!
• Q: What do you call a guy named Sal who won't share his salsa?
  A: Salsa brat.
• Q: How did the sports car explain its inattentiveness?
  A: I am: exhaust, id.
• Q: What's one thing nutritionists, track-and-field coaches, and wrestling coaches can agree on?
  A: It's hard to make a heavy man fast.
• Q: What's the problem with equine lawn care?
  A: You can lead a horse to water the grass, but you can't make him mow the lawn.
• Q: Why did John take so long in the bathroom?
  A: He got stalled.
• Q: What do you get when you milk 20 cows at once?
  A: Mookkake!
• Q: How did George Thorogood's doctor break the news that he had osteoporosis?
  A: ``I`'ve got some b-b-b-b-bad news....''
• Q: What is an anoretic for Halloween?
  A: A skeleton.
• Q: How do you know when a transsexual has hacked into your server?
  A: Your male transfer agent has been altered.
• Q: How is a coathanger like Visine?
  A: They both get the red out.
• Q: When the cannibal was asked how he could eat so many singers in one sitting, what was his explanation?
  A: ``Well, it's an a-choir-ed taste...''
• Q: How did the bartender get sick?
  A: Must've been the draft...
• Q: What do you get from an inexperienced, lightweight drinker?
  A: A half-drink drunk after a half-drunk drink.
• Q: How about bad sports players in a bar after a game suddenly noticing a lucky woman and proposing a toast to her marriage?
  A: A round for the misses goes around for the missus.
• Q: Did you hear what happened at the school for the deaf?
  A: Neither did they.
• Q: How do you convert your anemometer into a device for detecting kids from the emo scene?
  A: Just realize that your device just needs some emphasis to remember its new position, since wind blows horizontally, but tears fall vertically. Then you'll have it---it's your very own, an emo meter!

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